Animated illustration of a snake coiled around a birdcage filled with a snake, surrounded by large leaves, tree branches, an apple, and several ants.

There are many doorways,
the world itself is made of thresholds,
place of crossing, of return, becoming.

Illustration of ants crawling along a curved line.

There is never only one way in. 
Only one way of thinking and doing. 
Only one way of seeing and living. 

Each opening, closure, invites us to pause and listen to the movement of life, death and transformation. To notice what is ending and what is asking to begin.

My work lives in these crossings.

Rooted in indigenous and vernacular ways of knowing, I teach and guide collective spaces where we meet grief, trauma and transformation as teachers, companions on the path of remembering and re-membering. 

Diagram of a human brain showing the cerebrum, cerebellum, and brainstem with labeled pathways.

This is a space of many thresholds.
A space of learning, of returning, of reweaving our ways of being human in an ever changing and moving world.

A space of reindigenization. 

CURRENT COURSES & WORKSHOPS

Featured
November 1884 The Berlin Conference : When They Cut The Continent Like A Cake
November 1884 The Berlin Conference : When They Cut The Continent Like A Cake

The Berlin Conference was not only a political meeting; it was a performance of power over. The kind of power that fragments, silences and erases. It declared ownership over peoples and lands were never theirs to own. So this space is born out of remembrance and also out of refusal. It is an act of returning to what was taken, of reclaiming AGENCY, RESPECT AND ANCESTRAL SOVEREIGNTY that were denied to us when others decided our borders, our names, our fates. 

Read More →
Ancestral Responsibility: Facing The Colonial Genogram And The Death Of Empire
Ancestral Responsibility: Facing The Colonial Genogram And The Death Of Empire

In this 3-month online process based on weekly meetings, we will trace the colonial genogram, looking honestly at the personal, familial, and systemic lines that tie us to histories of conquest, extraction, and violence. We will use the Soma and grief-centered practices to explore what it means to be shaped by empire, and to begin the slow work of metabolizing shame, and stepping into forms of repair.

Read More →

VIEW ALL COURSES

Classes Collection
Motherhood As Threshold: Grief, Change, And Rebirth
Motherhood As Threshold: Grief, Change, And Rebirth

“You have a perfectly healthy and alive child, why are you sad?”

“Think of mothers who have lost their babies. At least yours is alive.”

“You should simply be grateful. So many women battle infertility.”

Read More →
Ancestral Responsibility: Facing The Colonial Genogram And The Death Of Empire
Ancestral Responsibility: Facing The Colonial Genogram And The Death Of Empire

In this 3-month online process based on weekly meetings, we will trace the colonial genogram, looking honestly at the personal, familial, and systemic lines that tie us to histories of conquest, extraction, and violence.

Read More →
Dyeing Before Dying: A Return To Indigenous Wisdom on Death
Dyeing Before Dying: A Return To Indigenous Wisdom on Death

This summer, I was in Benin and went to my paternal grandmother’s grave, visiting it for the first time since she died some years ago. Her grave is not just a stone in the ground of a cemetery, but a room within her family’s house, a place where life continues to unfold with death resting beneath us.

Read More →
Collective Resonance: The Neurobiology Of Grieving Together
Collective Resonance: The Neurobiology Of Grieving Together

GRIEF CIRCLE FACILITATOR TRAINING - FUNDAMENTALS

"Collective Resonance: The Neurobiology of Grieving Together," is an immersive training program that explores the intricate interplay of neuroscience, cultural sensitivity, and practical skills in grief facilitation.

Read More →
Uncharted Waters: A Somatic Exploration Of Colonial Grief
Uncharted Waters: A Somatic Exploration Of Colonial Grief

Uncharted Waters: A Somatic Exploration of Colonial Grief invites colonized bodies to dive deeply into the embodied currents of loss left by colonization. Rooted in my personal journey, growing up in Benin, a land profoundly shaped by colonial history, and now living in Portugal, the birthplace of this legacy, this workshop offers a collective space to feel, grieve, and create with what remains.

Read More →
It takes a village to raise a child, but what if the village is traumatized?</span>
It takes a village to raise a child, but what if the village is traumatized?

This course is not a new parenting philosophy, nor a way to become a perfect super parent, nor even to add an extra burden to parents, but rather to facilitate our parenting and help us embrace imperfection.

Read More →

What the participants say…

  • "In Collective Resonance, Tobi Ayé weaves together key principles of group facilitation, of somatic holding through emotional waves, and of her Benin-originated indigenous worldview in a unique, groundbreaking way.  Elaborating on her core concept of systemic grief, Tobi shows that repressed grief in individual and collective bodies leads to fragmentation and the reproduction of systemic violence. She insists on finding uncompromising ways to honor interconnectedness, the ability to call for and receive help as much as to give and make offerings, as ways to create a fabric able to hold our individual and collective grief. In turn, allowing this grief to move through us and resonate in each other expands our capacity for holding and connection.  It is a revolution of perspective that Tobi proposes, especially for students coming from Western cultures. She invites us to see the state of the world as it is (and ourselves as we are) and to see connection in and with all things and beings at the same time. She guides us to ground this principle through everyday praxis and embodiment. In ourselves and in our circles, she teaches us how to open a space bridging the materiality of our breathing and feeling bodies with the social, political and spiritual.  Through the modules of the training, Tobi demonstrates a sense of grounded patience as a space-holder, and of extraordinary generosity as a teacher. I am deeply grateful for this space and journey of transformation and would recommend it without hesitation. "

    Agnès, Somatic Practitioner, Berlin - Participant of Collective Resonance Course

  • "I am infinitely grateful, moved and touched after the grief circle facilitation course with Tobi Ayé. Even if one should start something new without prejudice, I gladly admit that I had expected a lot from and working with her and from learning together with the other participants, but my thoughts and expectations beforehand were even exceeded. The saying that healing is best done in community was brought to life in the collective sessions by Tobi. She was wonderfully clear, nurturing, patient and gentle and no less strong for that - on the contrary. She held the space so that we could let go of tensions, meet ourselves and subsequently understand each other not only on an individual level but as a whole. Her extensive knowledge of interpersonal and eco-human entanglements and interconnectedness, which is so tangibly rooted in generations-old wisdom and honors the beauty of the indigenous understanding of life, touched me deeply. They have not only touched me, moved me, but set my own deep core in vibration. My core, my being, my Black body, everything that I am and how I am and so often cannot and must not simply be in this world, that so often feels misunderstood and not seen, was allowed to feel itself not only at ease and expand in this space but as already rooted. And as if that wasn't gift enough she also gave us the tools so that we can share that knowledge in our heart projects in order to support others. Thank you Tobi for your guidance, your kindness and love. May you be blessed with more strenght, wisdom and good health to continue this so much needed work, passion and calling of yours. No need to say that I with no doubt or hesitation recommend working with her".

    N.B, Gynecologist & Space holder - Cologne (Germany) - Participant in the collective resonance course

  • « Taking this course surpassed my expectations. It provided deeper insights into my childhood traumas than therapy ever did. I now feel empowered to navigate my journey as a parent with a sense of calm assurance, knowing that I can break free from the patterns of my family and provide my child with a nurturing environment. This course has been a transformative experience, and I wholeheartedly recommend it to anyone seeking to break the cycle of generational trauma and embrace positive, conscious parenting. »

    AG, mother to a 6-month-old - Participants of it takes a village course

  • « Taking the follow-up course to "It Takes a Village" was another great gift for me. I have always wanted to get into soul work. Connecting with my parents, siblings and all the living and non living ancestors brought me to completely new paths in my life. The work opened a horizon for a deeper look into my own history and how it has shaped me as a person. It feels amazing to start and clear up so many things. Taking this course was definitely one of my best decisions. I think this is something that will last me for the rest of my life. Having less to work on is certainly a great blessing for my children.»

    C.D - GERMANY, A dad and husband - Participant of It Takes A Village…II

  • "It was very much part of the mycelial learning fabric and becoming(s). So intimate and so holding and care-full. The (reclaimed) apprenticeship feel of it - how we learned by doing from the get go, and how you entrusted and co-responsibilised us to hold the space together/for each other. I cannot word it. it has unworded me. And re-membered me as us. It has been the most spiritually awakening calling I’ve had so far. "

    Anonymous - Participant in the Collective Resonance course

  • “This training really challenges you and slowly transforms your life in ways you don’t expect it. It teaches you how important it is to tend our grief in order to live with it. I was able to gain some clarity and answers regarding my personal life through this training and the tools that Tobi gave us. I really liked the holistic approach on how to deal + tend grief and that grief is never meant to be dealt with alone - it‘s always a collective effort."

    NNN - Participant of the Collective Resonance Course

  • “It takes a village” has been an unlearning and remembering journey for me as a person of colour working with BIPOC families. The learnings through group engagement were powerful and insightful. Tobi held us as she shared and we expanded through the learning about trauma and the patterns in today’s world that keep us disconnected. The tools I’ve learnt have helped me build more connection in my personal world and in the spaces with the clients and families I work with. I often refer back to the workbook and reference to its contents regularly. On a personal level, I have felt seen in the sessions and a genuine deeper sense of care and community. Grateful to have had this opportunity ❤️"

    B.S. - Child Therapist - South-Africa - Participant of the It Takes a Village course

  • "This training is full of rich and inspiring indigenous teaching. The space created by Tobi was safe and each session was a true moment of co-regulation/co-expansion. It was very enlightening to learn about the dynamics between our nervous system, emotions, traumas, and the behaviors we transmit to our children. Tobi proposes a balanced level of theoretical and practical lessons to learn about the way our environment and our own nervous system impacts our education. The training is full of tools to help us navigate the challenges of education and parent-child relationship. Tobi always gives anecdotes, stories and examples and takes the time to hear our stories and struggles. The most beautiful session for me was the one on indigenous practices to create connections, it made me want to explore the practices of my ancestors and reconnect with them. Thank you Tobi for this amazing training, waiting for the next ones!"

    Q.M. - Engineer, Aunty, Aspiring teacher - Participant of the It Takes a Village course

  • “Dear Tobi, I am writing this in my deepest gratitude. I am so happy that you offered this course. I remember not really trusting that something would change if I am just working on my side. But Alhamdulillah, through your work I have seen a real change in my relationships, especially to my parents, and I am so happy about it. I am also seeing a huge change in other family relationships, with my siblings, extended family, and my own kids. There is such peace, I never imagined it. I am deeply grateful to you and I hope that you will offer a course format again soon. May your work prosper and may your journey be blessed ✨”

    V.W - Mother, Sociologist, Partner, Friend - Participants of the It Takes A Village 1 & 2

Illustration of a bunch of green leaves with brown outlines.

About Tobi

A woman with dark skin wearing a headwrap, glasses, and a white dress sitting on the floor with other people in a room with yellow walls and windows, holding a notebook and smiling.

Tobi was born and raised in Benin. She is a mender, weaver, and story keeper, roles carried through lineage and collective life. Movement and displacement have been integral to her life, shaping her identity. Growing up across the West African sub-region and living in North Africa, notably Tunisia, she has personally experienced the ethnic, inter-religious, and social divisions rooted in the continent's colonial trauma.

Now based in Portugal after many years in Germany, Tobi works at the crossroads of grief, embodiment, and collective life. She teaches and facilitates group spaces that invite of knowing, particularly within Eurocentric societies that have long separated body from spirit, individual from collective and grief from public life and spaces.

Her work is grounded in reindigenization as a living practice in a colonized world: remembering how grief, death, politics, creativity, and spirituality are interconnected rather than fragmented. Through somatic and ritual-beaded approaches she supports communities, practitioners and facilitators in meeting grief not as a pathology, but as a relational and collective experience that carries knowledge.

Tobi is the founder of Collective Resonance™, a grief program that trains facilitators to hold space for collective grief processes and acknowledge systemic grief. This program centers the body, lineage, and context, and asks how we tend to griefs that are not only connected to human loss, griefs that are the intersection of race, gender, class, ability or even ecological grief. And also how we might tend to grief in ways that restore dignity, belonging, and responsibility to one another.

Learn More

Join My Newsletter

If you would like to receive my writings, and updates about courses, workshops and all my offerings, you are welcome to join my newsletter.

I write about grief, death, indigeneity, vernacular way of knowing and the thresholds we meet in our lives and work.

My emails are infrequent, thoughtful and meant to nourish.